Humility...

is like Tyrannosaurus Rex...Extinct!

Like I promised in my last post that I would share my thoughts on humility, so here I am keeping my words. (Ain't that a smart way to make you read my last post?)

Humility is not traveling by bus when you can drive your Mercedes. It's so related to our inflated egos, self-importance and self-obsession.

Imagine the enormity and the expanse of this universe? So many galaxies...one of them is ours- The Milky way which comprises of the solar system. Nine planets. Then the Earth. So many countries. One of them- India. So many states, one of them is Delhi. So many places in Delhi, CP is just one of them. So many offices in CP, Fever 104 office is just one of them. So many rooms in the office, on air studio is just one of them. Millions and zillions of living things (micro-organisms) in this studio and I am just one of them.

Come to think of it...in comparison to such a vast cosmos...I am such a petty, measly of a being...so paltry. Not that I am saying I am worthless but the whole hue and cry of "nobody-takes-me-seriously", "my-views-mean-the-most", "no-body-asked-me-for-my-opinion", "am-i-not-important?" seems so worthless.
Phew! Looks like this "me, myself and I" world is a much bigger world than any world in the world! (And that's like 4 worlds in the last sentence! Tehee!)

And haven't we had enough already? Free sunshine, free water, free air...for donkey's years. We have been hogging like gluttonous pigs man. Time to thank God. It's pay back time now. Remember the thought of the day that you so proudly said in the school morning assembly--Service to mankind is service to God.

So no matter your boss screams at you, your siblings/relatives cheat you, your beloved ditches you, your colleagues scheme against you, just be kind to them, pray for them and serve them.
That I believe is the ideal definition of Humility.

Now you know why I paralleled Humility to Tyrannosaurus Rex?

Picture this

You are on the pot.
The pot in the office loo to be more precise, in the busiest hour of the day.

You are happily crapping.
Uuuuhhh.
U-u-u-hhhhhh.
Pitter. Putter. Pooh. Bamb. Crash. Boom.
ploP! plOP! PLOP!
Sigh!
Relieved.
You look around. There is no tissue. The sprinkler's handle is broken. No source of water.
What do you do?
Any solutions?
I am still waiting!
Phew.

(I)(M)portant

Okay in the title of this post I was trying to write " I am important" in a creative sort of way but now when I read it, it sounds like something else only, if you know what I mean. (Okay now your eyes move to the title...read it? Smiled? Now read on!)

This had been riding on my mind for a very long time and I thought I would better get this outta my system- you know, this intriguing phenomenon of "self importance". Not sounding too judgemental about the whole issue, I wouldn't categorise it as good or bad coz, if on one hand, I find this "I-am-important" thingy to be really juvenile and strange, on the other hand, strangely enough, I kind of aspire to be in the same bracket of people, (well sometimes at least).

When I look around me, I find so many people with such mammoth egos. They walk with a sense of pride, look at me as if I was the most trivial thing to happen to this planet and speak to me as if doing me a favour. It's almost like a cartoon film; Tom walking in full inflated glory, takes giant-thunderous steps, finds little Jerry on its way, scoops Jerry in its gigantic palm and smashes it out of the window.

I am so itched to name so many people right now, in my office, my friends, my family. But my big mouth always lands me in trouble so I better club them all in safe types.

1. I-am-a-dude. The whole facade of I-am-a-dude is actually quite a facade. They speak in pseudo deep baritone voice, mostly with a twang in their accent and are practically deaf to whatever you have to say. It's really funny. You say something. They behave as if they didn't hear. Two moments later they say exactly the same thing and give their shark smile, all smug, revelling in some stupid vain glory. And you are like- "WOW! how original dude".

They also crack some stupid jokes and laugh out loudest and pulls a long face if you try your hand at humour.

2. Screamers. This type is always screaming. I guess they were born screaming, instead of crying.The psyche is that people would take me more seriously if I screamed the loudest (yeah only if frequency was directly propotinal to respect). I remember one of my ex-bosses. Every time I craned my head to see if my devil of a boss was away, I always found this water-melon of a face, full red with rage shouting into the phone. The funny bit was that I couldn't hear anything through his glass cabin so all I saw were stretched muscles wildly mating with frowns on his face and his mouth going yak-yak-yak, like a mime-comedy show.

3. Don't-mess-with-me-types. It's a cross between Abhishek Bachchan's looks, Amitabh's walk, Ajay Devgan's intensity and Himesh Reshamiya's frown. Ah! Quite a breed! They walk like a storm, gaze set at the horizon. (I so wanna throw a banana peel in their way.) If you come in their way, you might be just crushed. So watch out! Nobody exists for them. They don't talk to any small fry and for them everyone around is a small fry, which means they prefer to keep mum most of the times. If you muster up all your courage and dare strike a conversation with them, the only reply you get is a "Umm.." or a deep disgusted sigh that subtly says- "you little nonentity, back you off".

There are so many other types too, like look-at-my-brands types, I-am-so-fair-charitable-generous kinds and many others. And suddenly I can see so many names flashing in my mind who are shining examples of all these types but diplomacy is such an under-rated virtue for me. So there!

And no matter you are a cog in the wheel or a top-notch boss, the "self-importance" bug thrives practically everywhere.

Funnily this post has made me think about humilty big time. Will discuss that in my next post. (Ooo...that sounds like a teaser!) Till then me, myself and I (winks) take your leave.

It would not come

My apologies for stealing the title of my post from my most favorite singer's song- Alanis Morissette's- It would not come. In fact it was her song and my o-so "happening" weekend, that prompted me to write this post!

On the weekend, my vegetable avatar disgusts the hell out of me and I feel very grumpy and I keep telling my mom; "life has turned into a wooden duck, there is no excitement, it's so lacklustre and arid...and there is something amiss...and it feels... like- "it" would never come...

So no matter I frantically browse TV channels,
It would not come.
I go and shop the world,
It would not come.
I listen to my favorite tune on radio,
Smoke my muscles in the gym,
Jog my guts out,
Feast my eyes on some breath-taking beauties on TV(hush when mom is away)
It would not come.
Go on a Drive,
Park at a mall,
An amusement park,
Or my favorite food joint,
Gorge and gulp,
Lick and slurp,
Fart and burp,
It would still not come.
I throw a party,
Or go to one,
Letch and lust,
Boob and bust,
I come home and realise-
It would not come.

If I were sexy and seductive,
Clever and manipulative,
And everything superlative...
It would still not come.

If I were naive, vulnerable,
A door mat, a push over,
Totally submissive,
It would still not come.

I tried laughing, screaming, crying...
Alas! "It" would STILL not come.

LD meets SRK K Jo

Can I be honest? I met up with Shah Rukh Khan on the last weekend and I wasn't really excited as you would expect me to be! No I am not one of those pseudo-intellects who looks down upon hindi films and raises an ignorant/disgusted brow at the mention of all the big stars. On the contrary I thrive on hindi films and meeting my favorite star would surely tickle me pink. But Shah Rukh isn't too top on my list, so there! In fact I like Karan Johar more and was grinning from ear to ear when I met him along with SRK.

We were parked outside one of the halls of The Taj, Delhi, near the escalators. Sudeenly there was an eerie hush, a grave silence coz people had sniffed SRK's presence. He was coming down the escalators with a band of punters tailing behind. He was dressed in a white shirt with top two buttons undone revealing his newly attained cleavage :). (Shouldn't he have opened the last two buttons to flaunt his much talked about 6 pack?) He wore a black pair of trousers and his long hair were gelled and tied in a tiny pony. He wore black shades. (Can never figure this out why these stars sport shades indoors?) I heard people take deep sighs, sensed them shake in their boots and go- "O-my-gawd!"

I didn't feel anything o-my-gawd-ish about SRK. To me he appeared like a distorted Indian version of Michael Jackson. Indeed- O-my-gawd!!

His cheeks were sunken, his waist giving competition to Shilpa Shetty's and he had a slight hunch. He looked so plastic that I felt his skin would peel off any moment like plaster from an old, dilapitated building's wall.


But I have to give him due credit for his qucik wit. The man shows amazing spontaneity and can never let anyone have an upper hand in the battle of wits. Though he suffers from verbal diarrohea. It's like you ask him a question, catch a power nap, go for a walk, come back and he would still be giving you the answer of the same question that you asked him ages ago. Phew! You have no clue during the interview how many times I must have said- "got it due...can we move on now...?" I am sure SRK can never be a jock on my station- Fever 104, less talk more music, teehee!

On the other hand, I was thrilled to meet Karan Johar. Effeminate. Homo. Pancy. Sissy. None of this matters. What matters is the fact that he comes across as a great human being. There are very few people who indulge in self-depricatory humour (genuinely) and he is the epitome of the same. (And if I dare say I relate to him on this so so much).
He sported a black blazer with a very neat white shirt. He is much taller than I expected him to be and much broader too. He looked much more alive in sharp contrast with the doddering SRK. Most of all, he gave a fantastic interview. My regard for him has gone much higher now.

One problem he shares with SRK is that he too talks too much. They just go on their spree. One thought put in 10 sentences. It's like never ending man, like my intelligence doubted big time. I can grasp things in one go dude! Phew!!

So that's that. The SRK-K Jo meeting. I am sure the world would give a right arm to rub shoulders and share space with them. And I had a hearty half an hour chat with the two of them. It pays to be an RJ sometimes, eh?

Crush

I am smiling my Shark smile right now. At 5 in the morning people say their choicest of prayers and here I am blogging about my latest crush(es). I know it's a bit juvenile to have crushes now, but who said I have grown up!! Moreover I feel like a school kid everyday. And for Christ's sake I am just 27 not a 60 year old hag.

Now that's quite an explanation for me having crushes! Moving on...

Number One.

Deepika Padukone. Boy aint she Drop Dead Gorgeous? A perfect atheletic body with well shaped legs (and I dare not go any further up coz it's a family blog afterall- ) and a million bucks smile. And despite being a model, she can TALK and to top it all, she can talk SENSE! Ah! too HOT to handle man! (Why the heck is she romancing a man double his age? SRK- you lucky a**! I wish I had friends like Farah Khan and Karan Johar! Alas! The J Loks cringes big time.)

Number Two.

Sunidhi Chauhan. My all time favourite. She is such a bundle of talent man. I have had the privilge to interview her. She is quite mad in many ways. She is a bit brash, a bit immodest and such an attention seeker and yet makes no bones about it. No pretence. No facade. Maybe that's what I love the most about her. She is quite a shinning example of "what you see is what you get!"

And when she performs on stage- boy she is a LIVEWIRE. She gives a completely new dimension to every tune that she sings.

Number Three.

Advaita Kala. Now who the hell is she? Well if you read, you would know her. She is the author of Almost Single. I first heard her interview on my friend Ginnie's show (on radio) and I was completely bowled over by her wit. She comes up with wise cracks at a drop of a hat. And then I saw her on NDTV. She looks pretty. She is plump but - pleasantly plump, and pretty too. Her book is such a reflection of the person that she comes across on TV/Radio. Her non-chalant way of writing had me sold over her. Almost Single- highly recommended.

So that's that! Now you know my lady will be quite a cross between Deepika, Sunidhi and Advaita. Simple recipe- A dough of Deepika's beauty with a dash of Sunidhi's talent and a bowl-full of Advaita's wit and lo! Lokesh's Lady is ready!

So here I am on my wild goose chase on the little Chimera that I have just created. Hope it doesn't leave me singing like Akshay Khanna in his debut movie-

"I am a Bachelor, akela hoon bimaar hoon..."

Diary Entry

Phew! It's been a long day and the funny bit is that it aint over yet!! The day started at 4 in the morning (11th October) and let me add, not on a very pleasant note. The office cab driver decided to snore a little longer with the office gaurd to give him company! (Whoaaa! That is scandalising- the gaurd and the driver sleeping together- WINKS!) (For all those, who don't know- I do the breakfast show on Fever 104, Delhi and I gotta reach the office by 5 in the morning and the office cab comes to pick me up!)

So there I was at the road looking for the cab and the driver. I wait, wait and wait some more and when there is no sign of him for good 15 minutes, I decide to call the office gaurd up and ask about the driver's whereabouts. The gaurd responds after an eternity, calls the driver up, wakes him up, the driver brushes his teeth, sits on the pot and finally appears after ONE fregging hour. Boy he has some luxury I tell you!

Damn! Can you beat this- I was left high and dry for 60 minutes on the street! (I could say one hour too- but 60 is always greater than 1, you see).

And the day hasn't ended yet. I had work throughout the day, a press conference to attend in the evening and finally I had to record an interview with AR Rahman in the night. He is quite a night person, you see, and prefers to compose, sing, record and do a whole lot of obvious things only in the night. ;) So that explains the interview in the night!

So the official lark of Fever 104 (that's me) meets the musical NIGHT-ingale. (I was so itched to write OWL, but that sounds a bit derogatory for a genius like him.) The interview went pretty fine without any major faux pas. (You can actually catch the excerpts of the same in the morning between 10-11 am- 12th Oct 07).

But to be honest, I was a bit nervous. Actually I am usually not nervous, coz I love people and enjoy talking to them and it doesn't really matter much to me if I am talking to Amitabh/Rahman or any big shot. I respect them for what they are and their repertoire of skills and work but their stature doesn't shake me in my boots. It's like probing a bit more into their body of work and having fun, like I would have a buddy chat with my siblings or friends.

But this time I was nervous coz right across me, I could see a collage of faces and palms sticking on the studio glass; the CEO, the station head, the programing head, my producers, the music manager, the other jocks, the engineer, the coffee maker; you name it and I had it- EVERYONE, breathing down my spine, looking at me hawk-eyed. Despite my layers of clothing, I felt stark naked!

Today I understood the real meaning of the proverbial "Sword of Damocles". AR Rahman was my meal and my colleagues were daggers of all shapes and sizes, dangling on my head. :)

Anyway, the interview was pretty neat. I am quite satisfied with my performance, considering the pressure cooker that I had become then. And now I am just three hours away from my show and preparing for the same! Just stole a few moments to post this happening day of my life, which hasn't ended yet.

My mind is actually throbbing with calculations right now and not that I scored a whopping in my Mathematics exam, but from 4 in the morning (11th Oct 07) to 11 in the morning (12th Oct 2007), it makes some 31 odd hours and I worked at a stretch!

ARE MY BOSSES LISTENING?

zzzzzzz....

Dancing Woes

Last weekend, I was home, (yeah, like most of the weekends). My cousin called me up- in an all happy-party-weekend mood. She threw the unwanted question- "What plans for the weekend, dude?"

And before I could think- I excitedly quipped- "I will watch Nach Baliye and Jhalak Dikhla Ja today." She hung up on me the next moment and I realised I seriously needed some life.

Seriously yaar, this has been happening over a period of time- when the world is out to party on the weekend, I behave like a kaddu or a tamatar and vegetate away to glory at my home. I so feel like a stick in the mud watching the world go by. (And you thought RJs had the most exciting lives, eh?)

Anyway so there I was, in my glorious couch potato avtaar, glued to television, watching the two dance shows. It's pretty funny that things that interested me at some recent point of life hardly impress me these days. These two shows being no exception!! (The hysterical age-phobic Lokesh in me screams- AM I AGEING that I have become so critical?)


My first bone.
Anchors and Script Writers.

"Apne husn ka jalwa aur nach ki thirkan pesh karne aa rahi hai agli jodi..." BURP!!
"Hosh uda De apke baar baar- jodi number chaar" FART!!
"Ada hai nirali, mizaz hai dil-phek- jodi number ek" PUKE!

Gaush I might just throw up with such winsome original rhymes!
I mean who on Earth ever speaks like this these days? We have been hammering the importance of realistic cinema, real people and all that jazz, and here we are in a
REAL-ity show with such killer lines!

And can someone please kill the teleprompter? Every time the anchor’s eyes dance from right to left, struggling to read from the teleprompter, there seems to be a slight squint in his/her eyes and I wonder- “What’s wrong dude?”

The worst example of the same is Tina of Nach Baliye fame. She goes-
“Aur apni favourite. (Pause) Jodi ko jitane ke liye. (Longer Pause) Message kariye. (Pause in which you can easily catch your zzzzz.). Is she related to Mr. Atal Bihari Vajypayee by any chance?



My Second Bone.
The participants.

They come. They perform. And they cry. Even before the judges speak a word, the participants are ready with a string of explanations- toe fracture, lack of time, busy schedules and sundry. And if nothing works, the salty Niagra falls does the trick!!

In fact this gives me a little insight into the human psyche. Aint we all are so defensive in our nature right from the begining? Homework nahi kiya- ghar mein shadi thi, office late pahuche- traffic jam tha, kaam nahi hua- team members inefficient hain. Why can't we just calmly listen to criticism and own up to our mistakes?

My third Bone.
SMS.

Agar aap chahte hai apni favourite jodi ke liye vote karna toh SMS kijiye- blah blah MTNL lines wale blah blah, Reliance wale ...blah blah...Airtel Wale...blah blah...
Boy!! Some bombardment of an information man! And how can they ever expect us to spend our hard earned bucks on these celebrities? I mean they hog all the limelight, they walk away with a whopping of lakh rupees of prize money, they get to drive the jazziest car on display and here we are struggling to make our ends meet!
Grrr....PHEW!

(Waise steaming a little secret here- I did SMS once for Shweta Salve when she was competing with Mona Singh in Jhalak Dikhla Ja. And she lost the show after that! :) So there!)

Well after such a nasty post on these shows, I am kind of regretting!
I mean I will be watching the same shows again the next weekend to fill the long lonely hours of my life! SIGH!!

The little devil in me once again mocks at me- "You little loser"
Gawd this little devil can sometimes be a real pain in...(you know where, right?!)