Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Gym Smokers

This one can be a dummy guide to all the people with a huge waistline; who have been promising themselves that next will be the month to hit the gym. Wonder how one can avoid exercising especially when your exterior challenges the fact that monkeys have been our ancestors.
Gym is a small world where you have all kind of items dropping in and I call them different kind of Gym Smokers each belonging to a specific category.

The Gluttonous Lion
He is huge, with breasts putting Pamela Anderson’s to shame. He has a huge appetite both for food and weights.
He loads the heaviest dumbbells in the bar, sees around proudly, making sure he catches everyone’s (read every girl’s) attention. If he fails, then wait and watch. He roars like a true Lion at every repetition and by the time it is the tenth one, everything brittle around is cracked, the earth shaken and every eye gawks at him.

All fart no shit
He comes all branded from tip to toe. A Fila cap, a Nike tee, Puma lowers and a pair of Reebok sneakers. Not to forget the accessories- an Adidas bottle and Lotto head and wrist bands. He walks either like Salmaan or Saif dropping his shoulders up and down, in perfect rhythm with every step. He can also be called the Gluttonous Lion wannabe. He too loads the heaviest weight in the bar. He holds the bar, brings all his focus, grits his teeth, tenses his brows, draws the last ounce of strength gushing from every organ of his body and ends up inching the bar for a split of a second. He feels a vain sense of achievement. He does it everyday unaware of the chuckles, he evokes all around. Don’t blame him. Blame the extra mass he is blessed with and he just wants to throw around some weight. Pun intended!

Gym Virgins
He is new to the world; few days or maybe a week old. He looks around naively and continues to wow at practically everyone and everything around. He dreads even the slightest weight. His hands shake terribly during a work out. He is everyone’s pushover. He will very humbly give you way if you both happen to be on the same machine. He trusts everyone and sundry. You ask him to lift weight with his legs to puff his biceps and he would actually buy that.

The Obnoxious Roadside Romeo
Comes for the babes in and around the gym. Flexes his muscles against his skintight tee, ogles at all the babes, hawk eyed, and passes a few lewd comments. He is entertained, as he knows the gym instructor’s deep dark secrets.

The Morose Member
Sluggish, sagging shoulders and is always complaining about this perennial pain either in the back or neck or some part of the body. He has some genius reasons to avoid his exercise
- It’s too crowded today…
- I have an appointment…
- I didn’t have a proper meal today…
- I don’t know but there is a slight pain in my upper back and so and so forth.
He crawls in and shoots out of the gym. He is constantly looking at the clock.

Paisa Wasool Kinds
He has a different interpretation to the saying- all good things come in small packages. Perhaps that’s the reason he originally thought the gym would cost less than half of what it actually does. And now for the money he shells out on the gym, he is compelled to think that gymming is really not a very good thing!
Works out rigorously for every part- chest, shoulders, legs, arms, back, head, fingers, hair, nails and that too every freaky day. Wants to make every dime he spends worth it. Has been known to even carry home, dumbbells, CDs and even water bottles.

So which category do you think you fit into?

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

O' Fish

I am an RJ. People ask me about my most embarrassing moment on air and I always say- my mouth- every time I open it, I am embarrassed to pieces!

I remember many moons ago, I used to work for an Asian radio station in Dubai. There are more dos and don'ts in Dubai radio stations. So Lord Rama and Krishna are struck out of your dictionary, saying "dude" and "babe" is blasphemous and most of all nothing is sexy in Dubai, everything is just beautiful.

Now in such a scene, imagine someone say the F letter word on air!! No points for guessing, it was yours truly who did the honours!

I had to give away tickets of the movie called Aksar. Remember one of those first few crooning glories of Himesh Reshamiya- Jhalak Dikhla Ja and Lagi Lagi Lagi! That one.

I anyway speak a bit fast, so with full enthusiasm I scream "your chance to win couple tickets of Aksar."

Now you might think where is the catch?

If you say the same line in my style and pace, you will get it-
"tickets of Aksar...ticketsof--Aksar...ticketsa F-A-K-S-A-R"

But come to think of the cast of the movie, it wasn't much of a faux pas. I mean what would you call a movie that casts Emraan Hashmi and Udita Goswami. Teehee!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Nokia didn't help...

in connecting people, yet again.

Last evening, I was getting too irritated and bored so I thought I would call my friends and have a chat with them and make myself feel better.

My first call went to one of my students who is more of a friend now than a student, Saransh. I called him up because I usualy don't call him up and he is the one who always takes the initiative and speaks to me in his full enthu-cutlet style "hiiiii sir, longgg timeeee..." So I thought I would return all his calls. I punched the number with full gusto. The bell rang. He answered and said-
"Sir I am driving right now, will call you later!"


My next dial was to my best friend, Amit. He has been blessed with a baby girl and I so wanted to ask him about her, if he had christened her and tell him all the names that I had thought for her. He answered my call and responded to my volley of questions with restrained monosyllabic answers. The little Sherlock Holmes in me prompted that he was busy and the usual- "will call you later" ended the call.

Next I called up one of my very good friends, Neelu. She can be outrageously cynical sometimes and cracks jokes that she only finds funny but she is a darling anyway (and sometimes proofreads my blog too). And the fact that I can be just myself with her makes her one of my most special friends. Her phone rang and rang and rang and is still ringing.

Manhar was taking his mom to the dentist.
Sid was unavailable.
Sushma's phone was out of range.
And the usual- the vodafone you are trying to reach is currently busy. Please call after some time.

Phew! After such a marathon, I just curled up with a bowl of tomato soup and a book, the title of which (funnily) reads-


Do I need say more?

Friday, November 16, 2007