Friday, September 12, 2008

Carpe Diem...

...was the mantra of the Pindy P-a-h-t-y!

Yesternight revealed the SPIRIT-ual side of every one- SPIRITS like Vodka, Pina Colada, Bloody Mary, Screwdriver (ahem!!) Blue Label (Vinay has his second heart attack) and many others that I can’t even phonetically articulate!

Just a few post party thoughts-

- Chandrima- Mayya Mayya

- Tuhin – WOW! I have taken Vinay’s pictures. Will morph and make a raunchy MMS and mint some money!

- Suhas- Rasik Balma (his new gmail status!)

- Chandrima- Mayya Mayya

- Richa- Vegetarianism is the way to go! (Lokesh concurs!)

- Anirban- Pappu CAN dance sala, only after downing a couple of drinks, teehee!

- Chandrima- Mayya Mayya

- Aoneha- Damn dancing- it washed away all my layers of make up- foundation, rouge, mascara and exposed my real SULTRRRY, SEXXXXXXY and sweaty self! Ouch!

- Paran- What the Hic was that?

- Vidhi- Did I really buy a top before the p-a-h-t-y?

- Priya- Piyo Pilao, life banao!!

- Chandrima- Mayya Mayya

- Lokesh- An ultimate cross between chamiya and ‘Aee Sala’ Mithun Da!

- Megha- I must be so drunk- It wasn’t a pole but a bloody WALL!

- Rajat- Happy is my middle name!

- Vinay- Who the fuck guzzled two Blue Labels? My weak auricles and ventricles are still hurting!!

Monday, June 30, 2008

In Shape...!

Six months back I was in shape. Yes round is a shape. Six months hence, I am thankfully in shape. Kudos to my gym instructors Aditya and Darshan who have a sadist pleasure in making me do some hazar abs and hours of cardios. The funny bit is that every time you tell them you can't do a certain exercise, they have this Nile-long "you-loser" kind of smile that embarrasses the little mickey in you. But it has worked at the end.
I have lost some 5 kilos and 3 inches.
I can happily fit into my old jeans. I can atleast think (if not eat) of food and not put on weight and most of all, I no longer have to tuck my tummy in and hold my breath every time I run into a beautiful girl in the elevator or elsewhere.
I am enjyoing my new shape. :)

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Get Together!

my father is dead, hardly two hours-
his body stone-cold,
gently blending with the coldness of the marble,
his mouth agape, eyes shut

some old woman wails in the background
amidst which, gives a thousand instructions, sometimes angry, sometimes irritated~

"get some fresh flowers"
"the oil is on the top shelf"
"curd is in the refrigerator"

and with every new entry in white,
she instantly resumes her dramatic wailings

my brother is on the phone convincing relatives to pay a visit
the man on the other side has a genuine reason for not coming~
his whites are in the laundry

a gentle man looks genuinely shocked...
he says~
"what a gem of a human being he was..."
and the next moment he looks around for a cup of tea...

i even hear gems like~
"only two slices of mangoes in lunch today?"

during my father's months long illness
i didn't see a soul
strangely at his death, i see the entire world

huh! what a get together!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

I am bored stiff!

You know there's so much to do in life...but offlate I have been too demotivated to do anything. It's funny that post 25, you start losing interest in everything around you. Complacency becomes your second name. I just don't feel like doing anything- no work, no talking, no writing, no reading....just nothing at all! It's a very funny phase of life. I so want to write a book, do a show on TV, produce my own TV shows and so much more...and here I am, like a bloody dead pan, wanting to hibernate somewhere till eternity!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Happy Birthday SID!

Gawd he is celebrating his 28th birthday today...and I am smiling my big shark smile. I am sick and tired of running into 18-20 year old interns in our office and it gives me a lot of sadistic pleasure to know that some one, miles away is ageing as fast as me. Teehee!

Sid is not only my best friend, he is my simian twin! I don't remember our first moments of friendship but it started in the classroom (6th), budded during games period and was a full bloom when we passed out school. Sid and I hated sports. When the entire class played football, we stood behind one of the goal posts, under a tree, wow-ing at the crawling black ants and counting wild mushrooms around. Our discussions as irreverent as our mutual crush on Sri Devi and as stupid as the number of hair strands in Sir Vijay's moustache.

Then there were art classes. We both were the Michael Angelos and MF hussains of our class. Though Sid was good. He was bloody good man. Art runs in his blood as aunty ji is an arts teacher. Sid always helped me in the subject. I had a wild imagination and he helped me put it on canvas. I can never forget those wintry mornings when we spread across the lush green grounds of the Army public school to participate in NAFENS, a poster making competition. I loved using his colors and he never fretted. In fact he gave his final touches on my painiting after he was done with his.

And then there were afternoon fridge raids at his house. Aunty ji caught her siesta in the background and we roasted Britania slices, all red and crispy, slapped it with sinful layers of cheese and stuffed it with some irresistable Haldiram namkeen. And as we gobbled the most unhealthy snack of the world, the microwave made some frog-hopping sounds in the background popping some really delicious corns. Sid's lunchbox too holds a vivid picture in my mind, a white one with a colorful cartoon character on it. And the insides were more interesting than the outsides- world's best French fries that could give any Mc Donald's or Nirula's a run for their money.

Prima facie it might appear as yet another stupid silly childhood friendship but to me it means so much more- a sense of belonging, a feeling of acceptance, amazing compatability and most of all a large-hearted gem of a friend- Siddharth!

Love him to death!


Wednesday, April 23, 2008


he looked like an angel when he took bath early in the morning, his wet hair neatly combed in dev anand's style, his cheeks shinning all pink in the morning sun that seived through the window. i think i even saw a halo behind his angealic face. he sat cross-legged and mom served him hot aaloo ka parathas. he had a very dude- like walk, just like shashi kapoor of yesteryears...although he looked like raj kapoor. he had a killer dressing sense, though i didn't like the way he tied his pants a little too high on the waist (there speaks the low-waist jeans generation!!) he had a dream too- he wanted to wear a white full suit on bhai's wedding, a dream that never came true...with a thousand dreams that died a tragic death...he didn't drive a fancy car, didn't vacation on a hill station with his family, didn't play squash in the morning, didn't splurge at all, didn't sport a gold bracelet like his peers, didn't even use a mobile phone, never took a flight to any indigenous or foregin destination...the only flight he took was heavenwards!

it's been almost a decade that i said papa...! i miss him!

Friday, April 11, 2008

An Indian Idle reviews American Idol

Let me begin with the good things-

1. Ryan Seacrest- I think he is the saving grace of the show. He is witty, funny, tongue-in-cheek and so much himself. I guess once you are engaged in a job for years, one tends to be repetitive or monotonous. Ryan Seacrest is a rarity for sure. He is fun and seems to have lots of fun on the show. And mind you, he is the ONLY one who can shut Simon's obnoxious trap and make him shift in his seat!

2. Participants-
I have two of my favorites. The first one has to be the cow-girl Kristey Lee Cook. I don't know much about singing, so can't really comment on that, but boy!!!!! she looks stunning man! She has the kind of smile that will light up any room and lift your dead spirits! My second favorite is David Cook. He seems like a good package- looks, style, singing, every thing decent enough to earn him a mention on my blog.

And now when we have got the good things out of our way, let's focus on the not so good things. There is so much of faff these days on these reality shows that it makes me wonder how on Earth can anyone speak so much. Don't they ever run short of words? I mean one can be tongue-tied sometimes or may be too confused to comment. But our esteemed judges have shit loads of things to say after every performance, half of which, even they don't understand.

Randy for example. I am sure amidst his- "check-this-out-dude-yo-yo-cool" comments, there are a plenty thoughts buzzing in his little round head. Just imagine how hilarious it would sound if we could hear his words and inner thoughts together-->
"OK check this out dude...I haven't been paid at all for this were good...yet here I am giving you my useless feedback...but it wasn't the kind of performance that would make me jump and swing...and why the hell is this Paula smelling like a camel today? the competition is tough...and my underwear is you gotta pull up your socks...and I don't understand a word that I am saying, so I better shut up...yeah yeah??

And then there is Paula, verbally challenged. Somebody please tell her that there are a thousand and forty synonyms for the word soulful. Also if she can remove her doll-like hair from her for head and eyes. She reminds of this Indian comic character- Billoo.

Simon seems to be the most sensible of all judges but in all his comments there is this constant undercurrent of -hey-I-m-the-official-rude box-of-American-Idol-so-watch-out-for-me. If you have missed me in the last seasons, no problem, here I am, unchanged, an exact replica of the last season, the same OBNOXIOUS SIMON COWELL!
But thankfully his candid remarks do make sense sometimes. At least he (unlike Paula) doesn't find every performance breathtakingly soulful!

My last thought- the Idle team of American Idol really needs to revamp the show to save this msucial Titanic from sinking!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Tummy VS Tongue

and the obnoxious size of my tummy these days announces the terrific triumph of my tongue.

Aren’t our body parts so brilliantly bonded? There is this unheard, uncanny connection among them. The nose smells the aroma of delicacies, the eyes come alive with the riot of their colors and finally the mouth oozes Niagara of drool.

Good food always excites the little Tommy in me. I can smell great food from miles, wag my tail behind it and keep panting till my dangling tongue polishes the last morsel of everything that’s served.

During my vacation, I am sleeping like a log and hogging like a pig. Everyday begins with my eyes feasting on some grilled sandwiches filled with sinful layers of cheese and jam and some exotic veggies or parathas of all kinds, methi, aaloo, gobhi, paneer, soaked in Amul butter or Pastas cooked in three tangy sauces or Lasagnas richly baked with spinach and cheese. And of course the day also ends with my quick trips to the loo?

It’s like a constant battle between my tongue and tummy. The greedy tongue drops to the floor even at a little glimpse of food and the turbulent tummy retorts in vain.

I have been eating like there’s no tomorrow and I can’t help it at all. I feel so romantic about food. It always feels like the excitement of the first kiss, the first touch, the first night! And I can never get enough of it. After numerous gross farts and burps after every meal, my leg keeps shaking in anticipation and my spoon keeps digging in the leftovers of plate.

As I write my endless romance with food, I see my empty plate that prompts me to raid my refrigerator yet again.

Shaaaaaaaaaaaat Aaaaaaaaaap

was the crux of my meeting with my ENT specialist, though he sugar wrapped it with a million polite words and a zillion unpronounceable jargon (and needless to say charged a bomb of a fee for the same!)

My throat had been acting up for a long time, so I went to see my ENT specialist during my vacation. After numbing my throat with some yikes anesthetic drops and some jazzy mouth sprays and drilling some 50 meter long tubes (fitted with cameras), down my throat, my doctor concluded that my vocal chords were terribly inflamed and the only way to save them from further damage was to keep mum for the rest of my vacation. In other words-

“Shaaaaaaaaaaaat Aaaaaaaaaap.”

Now that’s too much to ask for from an RJ like me. Not that I go yak-yak through out the day, but to play Rani Mukherjee of Black and answer my family and friends in sign language during my vacation is very irritating.

So here I am, all zipped up, frantically smiling, frowning and nodding to everything that happens around me. The up side is that nobody will ever defeat me in dumb charades in future and the down side is that I can’t reply to my two year old nephew who innocently asks me in every two mintues-

“Ka kal lahe ho chahchu?” Alas!

So now is the golden chance for all those people who hate me. Come, shout at me, ridicule me, mock at me, abuse and assault me with the choicest of words that you so wanted to tell me all your life and my only retort would be a sheepish-

“oooo...” like a helpless puppy!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Just a Thought!

Yesterday in the gym, it just occurred to me-
"My life is so much like a treadmill. I am running endlessly and reaching nowhere!"