It's 8:08 a.m. by the studio clock. The computer is playing Diwangi Diwangi from Om Shanti Om and here I am writing the film's reviews. Honestly I didn't want to watch the film...yeah yeah I am one of those pseudo kinds, a sucker for meaningful cinema and anti all these teenybopper pot-boilers and the usual blah blah blah...
So the breaking news of Shah Rukh's shirtless six-pack act for the first time on Indian cinema, coupled with his bulging biceps, erect nipples and rippling muscles in his much hyped "butt cracking" Darde-Disco wasn't convincing enough for me to watch the film. Neither the new nymph on the block (Deepika Padukone) had me sold over the movie. Farah tried hard by telling me on every freaky TV channel about this song in the film which is pregnant with 31 stars of the industry...but alas! I wasn't ready to budge. She even tried emotional blackmailing-
"I am 35, married to an editor who gets work from ONLY me and my films. I am pregnant with three kids, need money to bring them up, so please help me and watch my film and blah blah blah... " but sorry mate I was resolved and all I did was laugh my wicked Gabbar Singh laugh- heehaaaaaaaaaa...!
But I love my mom a lot who loves SRK a lot. And we were in the theatre watching the film.
The struggling actor(SRK) loves the beautiful star(Deepika Padukone) who loves the producer (Arjun Rampal) who decides to kill her because she stupidly tells him the most disastrous line of hindi films- main tumhare bachche ki ma ban ne wali hoon...
So the hero is dead and so is the heroine. The villian gets richer and zips to the US of America.
But picture abhi baaki hai mere dost...
SRK is reborn and so is Deepika (don't ask me why). Arjun Rampal who has been hibernating in the US all this while comes to India. SRK has flashes of the previous birth, reunites with his boodhi ma (Kiron Kher) and friend (Shreyas). He wants Arjun to pay for the heinous act of burning him and his purane janam ki heroine alive. But he can't do that alone. He needs Deepika for the same. So comes Deepika in her micro-mini-bubble-gum avtaar from Bangalore first flight! They all gang up, spook the little mickey out of Arjun Rampal by showing him the ghost of Shanti and finally he dies of a senile decay. And the whole country is 5 years old, sucks its thumb and still sleeps in its diapers and we all shall buy this crap as the biggest grosser ever.
FISH! Such brouhaha for such a yucky, pucky, constipated, dehydrated, castrated, electrocuted (and all those unmentionables) movie!! Damn!
When I was walking out of the theatre- this middle-aged aunt in front of me gasped in shock and doubt- "I think Shah Rukh's 6 pack is morphed- it's unbelievable for anyone to have a 6 pack at 42."
Are you freaking nuts?! This is all you come up with after watching the whole movie. You could believe in SRK's rebirth, Deepika's unwanted rebirth too, could also buy the fact that Deepika's spirit waited for 30 years to freak the living daylights of Arjun Rampal but you have a problem with SRK's 6 pack. I guess this shouldn't be too difficult. I mean if we can still believe that Arjun Rampal can act, we can believe anything. Wotsay!?
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Main apni Favorite hoon...
says Kareena Kapoor in Jab we met and I see so many people echo the same sentiment these days. I can name three of them- Kanupriya (my colleague), Meenal (my student) and Priya (an aquaintance).
The funny filmy conversation begins with a full effervescent vibe- "You know what Lokesh- main apni favorite hoon!!!" to which I usually reply- "watched Jab we met last night?" and the obvious answer comes in affirmative and goes on to another excited one "I am so much like Kareena's character naaa?" And the rude answer in my head is- "NO! Far from it". But obviously I don't say it loud. I mean life is more beautiful when the things on the back of your mind don't come on the tip of your tongue. You know what I mean, right?
Hmm..so the question is whether I am my favorite or not?
NO! I just Hate myself...
Hate the jelly belly that I am blessed with these days...and hate it even more when I find myself doing nothing about it...and hate it the most when after cribbing about it endlessly, I find myself on the dining table with a platter full of desi-ghee ke aaloo ke parathe...haaye meri ma ka pyaar...
Hate the fact that I am growing so complacent in life...
Hate the fact that I don' have too many friends and that my weekends are o so boring...
Hate it when I don't blog often...
Hate my hunch...
Hate it when I see a dozen opportunities on television and myself without any job. Sob sob!
Hate the cribber in me who seems to be working 24 by 7...
Hate the fact that I hate so many things about myself and hate it to make it public on my blog!
Nahiiiiiiiiiiin!! My apna favorite nahiiiiiiiiiiii hoon.
The funny filmy conversation begins with a full effervescent vibe- "You know what Lokesh- main apni favorite hoon!!!" to which I usually reply- "watched Jab we met last night?" and the obvious answer comes in affirmative and goes on to another excited one "I am so much like Kareena's character naaa?" And the rude answer in my head is- "NO! Far from it". But obviously I don't say it loud. I mean life is more beautiful when the things on the back of your mind don't come on the tip of your tongue. You know what I mean, right?
Hmm..so the question is whether I am my favorite or not?
NO! I just Hate myself...
Hate the jelly belly that I am blessed with these days...and hate it even more when I find myself doing nothing about it...and hate it the most when after cribbing about it endlessly, I find myself on the dining table with a platter full of desi-ghee ke aaloo ke parathe...haaye meri ma ka pyaar...
Hate the fact that I am growing so complacent in life...
Hate the fact that I don' have too many friends and that my weekends are o so boring...
Hate it when I don't blog often...
Hate my hunch...
Hate it when I see a dozen opportunities on television and myself without any job. Sob sob!
Hate the cribber in me who seems to be working 24 by 7...
Hate the fact that I hate so many things about myself and hate it to make it public on my blog!
Nahiiiiiiiiiiin!! My apna favorite nahiiiiiiiiiiii hoon.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Gym Smokers
This one can be a dummy guide to all the people with a huge waistline; who have been promising themselves that next will be the month to hit the gym. Wonder how one can avoid exercising especially when your exterior challenges the fact that monkeys have been our ancestors.
Gym is a small world where you have all kind of items dropping in and I call them different kind of Gym Smokers each belonging to a specific category.
The Gluttonous Lion
He is huge, with breasts putting Pamela Anderson’s to shame. He has a huge appetite both for food and weights.
He loads the heaviest dumbbells in the bar, sees around proudly, making sure he catches everyone’s (read every girl’s) attention. If he fails, then wait and watch. He roars like a true Lion at every repetition and by the time it is the tenth one, everything brittle around is cracked, the earth shaken and every eye gawks at him.
All fart no shit
He comes all branded from tip to toe. A Fila cap, a Nike tee, Puma lowers and a pair of Reebok sneakers. Not to forget the accessories- an Adidas bottle and Lotto head and wrist bands. He walks either like Salmaan or Saif dropping his shoulders up and down, in perfect rhythm with every step. He can also be called the Gluttonous Lion wannabe. He too loads the heaviest weight in the bar. He holds the bar, brings all his focus, grits his teeth, tenses his brows, draws the last ounce of strength gushing from every organ of his body and ends up inching the bar for a split of a second. He feels a vain sense of achievement. He does it everyday unaware of the chuckles, he evokes all around. Don’t blame him. Blame the extra mass he is blessed with and he just wants to throw around some weight. Pun intended!
Gym Virgins
He is new to the world; few days or maybe a week old. He looks around naively and continues to wow at practically everyone and everything around. He dreads even the slightest weight. His hands shake terribly during a work out. He is everyone’s pushover. He will very humbly give you way if you both happen to be on the same machine. He trusts everyone and sundry. You ask him to lift weight with his legs to puff his biceps and he would actually buy that.
The Obnoxious Roadside Romeo
Comes for the babes in and around the gym. Flexes his muscles against his skintight tee, ogles at all the babes, hawk eyed, and passes a few lewd comments. He is entertained, as he knows the gym instructor’s deep dark secrets.
The Morose Member
Sluggish, sagging shoulders and is always complaining about this perennial pain either in the back or neck or some part of the body. He has some genius reasons to avoid his exercise
- It’s too crowded today…
- I have an appointment…
- I didn’t have a proper meal today…
- I don’t know but there is a slight pain in my upper back and so and so forth.
He crawls in and shoots out of the gym. He is constantly looking at the clock.
Paisa Wasool Kinds
He has a different interpretation to the saying- all good things come in small packages. Perhaps that’s the reason he originally thought the gym would cost less than half of what it actually does. And now for the money he shells out on the gym, he is compelled to think that gymming is really not a very good thing!
Works out rigorously for every part- chest, shoulders, legs, arms, back, head, fingers, hair, nails and that too every freaky day. Wants to make every dime he spends worth it. Has been known to even carry home, dumbbells, CDs and even water bottles.
So which category do you think you fit into?
Gym is a small world where you have all kind of items dropping in and I call them different kind of Gym Smokers each belonging to a specific category.
The Gluttonous Lion
He is huge, with breasts putting Pamela Anderson’s to shame. He has a huge appetite both for food and weights.
He loads the heaviest dumbbells in the bar, sees around proudly, making sure he catches everyone’s (read every girl’s) attention. If he fails, then wait and watch. He roars like a true Lion at every repetition and by the time it is the tenth one, everything brittle around is cracked, the earth shaken and every eye gawks at him.
All fart no shit
He comes all branded from tip to toe. A Fila cap, a Nike tee, Puma lowers and a pair of Reebok sneakers. Not to forget the accessories- an Adidas bottle and Lotto head and wrist bands. He walks either like Salmaan or Saif dropping his shoulders up and down, in perfect rhythm with every step. He can also be called the Gluttonous Lion wannabe. He too loads the heaviest weight in the bar. He holds the bar, brings all his focus, grits his teeth, tenses his brows, draws the last ounce of strength gushing from every organ of his body and ends up inching the bar for a split of a second. He feels a vain sense of achievement. He does it everyday unaware of the chuckles, he evokes all around. Don’t blame him. Blame the extra mass he is blessed with and he just wants to throw around some weight. Pun intended!
Gym Virgins
He is new to the world; few days or maybe a week old. He looks around naively and continues to wow at practically everyone and everything around. He dreads even the slightest weight. His hands shake terribly during a work out. He is everyone’s pushover. He will very humbly give you way if you both happen to be on the same machine. He trusts everyone and sundry. You ask him to lift weight with his legs to puff his biceps and he would actually buy that.
The Obnoxious Roadside Romeo
Comes for the babes in and around the gym. Flexes his muscles against his skintight tee, ogles at all the babes, hawk eyed, and passes a few lewd comments. He is entertained, as he knows the gym instructor’s deep dark secrets.
The Morose Member
Sluggish, sagging shoulders and is always complaining about this perennial pain either in the back or neck or some part of the body. He has some genius reasons to avoid his exercise
- It’s too crowded today…
- I have an appointment…
- I didn’t have a proper meal today…
- I don’t know but there is a slight pain in my upper back and so and so forth.
He crawls in and shoots out of the gym. He is constantly looking at the clock.
Paisa Wasool Kinds
He has a different interpretation to the saying- all good things come in small packages. Perhaps that’s the reason he originally thought the gym would cost less than half of what it actually does. And now for the money he shells out on the gym, he is compelled to think that gymming is really not a very good thing!
Works out rigorously for every part- chest, shoulders, legs, arms, back, head, fingers, hair, nails and that too every freaky day. Wants to make every dime he spends worth it. Has been known to even carry home, dumbbells, CDs and even water bottles.
So which category do you think you fit into?
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
O' Fish
I am an RJ. People ask me about my most embarrassing moment on air and I always say- my mouth- every time I open it, I am embarrassed to pieces!
I remember many moons ago, I used to work for an Asian radio station in Dubai. There are more dos and don'ts in Dubai radio stations. So Lord Rama and Krishna are struck out of your dictionary, saying "dude" and "babe" is blasphemous and most of all nothing is sexy in Dubai, everything is just beautiful.
Now in such a scene, imagine someone say the F letter word on air!! No points for guessing, it was yours truly who did the honours!
I had to give away tickets of the movie called Aksar. Remember one of those first few crooning glories of Himesh Reshamiya- Jhalak Dikhla Ja and Lagi Lagi Lagi! That one.
I anyway speak a bit fast, so with full enthusiasm I scream "your chance to win couple tickets of Aksar."
Now you might think where is the catch?
If you say the same line in my style and pace, you will get it-
"tickets of Aksar...ticketsof--Aksar...ticketsa F-A-K-S-A-R"
But come to think of the cast of the movie, it wasn't much of a faux pas. I mean what would you call a movie that casts Emraan Hashmi and Udita Goswami. Teehee!!
I remember many moons ago, I used to work for an Asian radio station in Dubai. There are more dos and don'ts in Dubai radio stations. So Lord Rama and Krishna are struck out of your dictionary, saying "dude" and "babe" is blasphemous and most of all nothing is sexy in Dubai, everything is just beautiful.
Now in such a scene, imagine someone say the F letter word on air!! No points for guessing, it was yours truly who did the honours!
I had to give away tickets of the movie called Aksar. Remember one of those first few crooning glories of Himesh Reshamiya- Jhalak Dikhla Ja and Lagi Lagi Lagi! That one.
I anyway speak a bit fast, so with full enthusiasm I scream "your chance to win couple tickets of Aksar."
Now you might think where is the catch?
If you say the same line in my style and pace, you will get it-
"tickets of Aksar...ticketsof--Aksar...ticketsa F-A-K-S-A-R"
But come to think of the cast of the movie, it wasn't much of a faux pas. I mean what would you call a movie that casts Emraan Hashmi and Udita Goswami. Teehee!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Nokia didn't help...
in connecting people, yet again.
Last evening, I was getting too irritated and bored so I thought I would call my friends and have a chat with them and make myself feel better.
My first call went to one of my students who is more of a friend now than a student, Saransh. I called him up because I usualy don't call him up and he is the one who always takes the initiative and speaks to me in his full enthu-cutlet style "hiiiii sir, longgg timeeee..." So I thought I would return all his calls. I punched the number with full gusto. The bell rang. He answered and said-
"Sir I am driving right now, will call you later!"
Alas!
My next dial was to my best friend, Amit. He has been blessed with a baby girl and I so wanted to ask him about her, if he had christened her and tell him all the names that I had thought for her. He answered my call and responded to my volley of questions with restrained monosyllabic answers. The little Sherlock Holmes in me prompted that he was busy and the usual- "will call you later" ended the call.
Next I called up one of my very good friends, Neelu. She can be outrageously cynical sometimes and cracks jokes that she only finds funny but she is a darling anyway (and sometimes proofreads my blog too). And the fact that I can be just myself with her makes her one of my most special friends. Her phone rang and rang and rang and is still ringing.
Manhar was taking his mom to the dentist.
Sid was unavailable.
Sushma's phone was out of range.
And the usual- the vodafone you are trying to reach is currently busy. Please call after some time.
Phew! After such a marathon, I just curled up with a bowl of tomato soup and a book, the title of which (funnily) reads-
ALMOST SINGLE.
Do I need say more?
Last evening, I was getting too irritated and bored so I thought I would call my friends and have a chat with them and make myself feel better.
My first call went to one of my students who is more of a friend now than a student, Saransh. I called him up because I usualy don't call him up and he is the one who always takes the initiative and speaks to me in his full enthu-cutlet style "hiiiii sir, longgg timeeee..." So I thought I would return all his calls. I punched the number with full gusto. The bell rang. He answered and said-
"Sir I am driving right now, will call you later!"
Alas!
My next dial was to my best friend, Amit. He has been blessed with a baby girl and I so wanted to ask him about her, if he had christened her and tell him all the names that I had thought for her. He answered my call and responded to my volley of questions with restrained monosyllabic answers. The little Sherlock Holmes in me prompted that he was busy and the usual- "will call you later" ended the call.
Next I called up one of my very good friends, Neelu. She can be outrageously cynical sometimes and cracks jokes that she only finds funny but she is a darling anyway (and sometimes proofreads my blog too). And the fact that I can be just myself with her makes her one of my most special friends. Her phone rang and rang and rang and is still ringing.
Manhar was taking his mom to the dentist.
Sid was unavailable.
Sushma's phone was out of range.
And the usual- the vodafone you are trying to reach is currently busy. Please call after some time.
Phew! After such a marathon, I just curled up with a bowl of tomato soup and a book, the title of which (funnily) reads-
ALMOST SINGLE.
Do I need say more?
Friday, November 16, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Humility...
is like Tyrannosaurus Rex...Extinct!
Like I promised in my last post that I would share my thoughts on humility, so here I am keeping my words. (Ain't that a smart way to make you read my last post?)
Humility is not traveling by bus when you can drive your Mercedes. It's so related to our inflated egos, self-importance and self-obsession.
Imagine the enormity and the expanse of this universe? So many galaxies...one of them is ours- The Milky way which comprises of the solar system. Nine planets. Then the Earth. So many countries. One of them- India. So many states, one of them is Delhi. So many places in Delhi, CP is just one of them. So many offices in CP, Fever 104 office is just one of them. So many rooms in the office, on air studio is just one of them. Millions and zillions of living things (micro-organisms) in this studio and I am just one of them.
Come to think of it...in comparison to such a vast cosmos...I am such a petty, measly of a being...so paltry. Not that I am saying I am worthless but the whole hue and cry of "nobody-takes-me-seriously", "my-views-mean-the-most", "no-body-asked-me-for-my-opinion", "am-i-not-important?" seems so worthless.
Phew! Looks like this "me, myself and I" world is a much bigger world than any world in the world! (And that's like 4 worlds in the last sentence! Tehee!)
And haven't we had enough already? Free sunshine, free water, free air...for donkey's years. We have been hogging like gluttonous pigs man. Time to thank God. It's pay back time now. Remember the thought of the day that you so proudly said in the school morning assembly--Service to mankind is service to God.
So no matter your boss screams at you, your siblings/relatives cheat you, your beloved ditches you, your colleagues scheme against you, just be kind to them, pray for them and serve them.
That I believe is the ideal definition of Humility.
Now you know why I paralleled Humility to Tyrannosaurus Rex?
Like I promised in my last post that I would share my thoughts on humility, so here I am keeping my words. (Ain't that a smart way to make you read my last post?)
Humility is not traveling by bus when you can drive your Mercedes. It's so related to our inflated egos, self-importance and self-obsession.
Imagine the enormity and the expanse of this universe? So many galaxies...one of them is ours- The Milky way which comprises of the solar system. Nine planets. Then the Earth. So many countries. One of them- India. So many states, one of them is Delhi. So many places in Delhi, CP is just one of them. So many offices in CP, Fever 104 office is just one of them. So many rooms in the office, on air studio is just one of them. Millions and zillions of living things (micro-organisms) in this studio and I am just one of them.
Come to think of it...in comparison to such a vast cosmos...I am such a petty, measly of a being...so paltry. Not that I am saying I am worthless but the whole hue and cry of "nobody-takes-me-seriously", "my-views-mean-the-most", "no-body-asked-me-for-my-opinion", "am-i-not-important?" seems so worthless.
Phew! Looks like this "me, myself and I" world is a much bigger world than any world in the world! (And that's like 4 worlds in the last sentence! Tehee!)
And haven't we had enough already? Free sunshine, free water, free air...for donkey's years. We have been hogging like gluttonous pigs man. Time to thank God. It's pay back time now. Remember the thought of the day that you so proudly said in the school morning assembly--Service to mankind is service to God.
So no matter your boss screams at you, your siblings/relatives cheat you, your beloved ditches you, your colleagues scheme against you, just be kind to them, pray for them and serve them.
That I believe is the ideal definition of Humility.
Now you know why I paralleled Humility to Tyrannosaurus Rex?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)