There was a very interesting dialogue in Rang De Basanti
that has stayed with me and now in retrospect it does make sense.
A politician’s side kick says in the movie- “logo ki yadasht
badi kamzor hoti hain sir.”- “people’s memory is usually short lived.”
I am not too sure if it’s short lived memory or the everyday
survival but what once seems like a revolution usually fizzles out in months or
sometimes even days. Hence the poor old man Anna Hazare almost famished to
death yet failed to turn a leaf in law books and what seemed like a revolution
for the Delhi girl who was brutally raped and murdered in December turned out
to be quite a phuss.
The truth of the matter is, in an everyday run to earn money
and survive, these issues that we strongly feel for, stand for, take the back
seat, if not forgotten.
Delhi rape case had shaken me inside out for its sheer
barbarism. When the world debated and argued and suggested some rather radical
solutions, I stayed mum; not because I didn’t have much to say, but because
reaching the root cause of so many rape cases in our country seemed more
important. I wanted to listen to every argument, soak in every thought, every
word, mull it over and finally share what I feel. Before I come to solutions of
the problem, let me discuss what really causes the problem. Shocking as it may sound;
it is MONEY or our mindsets that we associate power and superiority with money.
Isn’t money really the reason that we serve our rich guests with cashew nuts
and almonds in silverwares and a glass of water to the not so wealthy ones?
Now before I elaborate on this, I have a question. How would
you react if I told my mother/wife/sister-
“Aapki jagah kitchen mein hain, tum wahi achi lagti ho.”- “Your
place is in the kitchen, that’s where you belong!”
One would be quick to judge me as a male chauvinist pig, who
looks down upon women and doesn’t respect them.
Wonder how many of you would have the same reaction if I
told my father/brother-
“Aap kamate huye hi ache lagte ho, ghar pe naa baitha karo.”-
“You look better when you are out, earning. Don’t stay at home.” It will be
never be perceived as a sexist comment instead one receives it with pride and
honor.
It is sadly the power that comes with money that makes going
out and earning far cooler than staying at home and cooking. The person who
goes out, earns money is always considered far superior than the one who stays
at home. Hence we have conveniently overlooked the importance of women who
build a home, run a home and most importantly shape their kids’ lives, make (or
could break) the country’s future.
Right after the Delhi
rape case, there were news channels that reported rather quote unquote
progressive news of how a woman in Chennai is riding a bike and showing all men
that women are no less. How on earth has riding a bike become a symbol of ‘progression’
and ‘equality’? Why does a woman have to ride and bike and show she is equal. Why
can’t she be in the kitchen and cook daal chawal and yet be equal?
There were also reports of a bunch of young men in Bangalore
who slipped into skirts to show their solidarity to the Delhi rape girl. Are
you serious? It is this triviality of the issue that makes my blood boil and
how stupidly we belittle the problem at hand.
Over a period of time, men have been the bread earner and
women looked after the home. And since we associate so much of importance to
money, equate it with power, men by default became the higher species in the
relationship. So women dress like men, ride
a bike, take up a job, start earning, talk about gadgets and (excuse me saying
this)- do things that are usually considered men like, to show they are equals
and are not lagging behind in any way. On the contrary shouldn’t we thank the
women in our lives for bringing us up, for feeding us day in and out (including
weekends), for running household errands, from bills to laundry to cleanliness,
to kids’ homework, to every little thing that helps us go out and earn a livelihood?
I stay with my mom and not even once I think I am doing her
a favor or any better than her because I earn. Just like how I think she is not
doing me any favor by ironing my clothes or preparing me breakfast, lunch or
dinner. These are jobs divided between two individuals to run our lives smoothly.
A sense of respect for what the other person does is all we need to strike a
balance. Alas the reality is a far different story. Women have to go out, earn
and struggle to be EQUALS and men who prefer to stay at home and look after
kids are downright pansy/unmanly/gays/losers.
It’s this fuddy-duddy mindset, this conservative thinking
that has coined such sexist phrases, such gender biased stereotypes-
-
“Arey tumne kya haath mein chudiya pehan rakhi
hain.”
-
“Tu kya ladki ke tarah Sharma raha hain.”
-
“Haathon mein mehndi lagi hain kya?”
And because we EARN, bring home bundles of CASH, we become
far higher than women who “stay at home and do nothing”. And since we are
higher, we can treat these lesser mortals any which way we like. We can stop them
in a bus, catch them by the road side, attack a young girl, assault her in the
most heinous way, and shove an iron rod up her vagina and leave her by the
roadside to die.
Still shaken and seething!!!
